"bittersweet symphony"

Hello love,
I am sorry to have fallen. But we all fall at some point in our lives. I think that I am finding the correct path now.

"I am here in my mind
But I'm a million different people
from one day to the next"
-"Bittersweet Symphony" The Verve

We discussed Hume's ideas of liberty today. My causal chain has been a little off but I must utilize my free will to its full extent. I can't make the claim for hard determinism because the idea of everything being preordained lessens us all to the level of mere chess pieces. That cannot be true. Soft determinism, I understand. Ideas can be such lonely companions but I think that my immersion inside my studies is necessary. My foray into the murky depths of love, romance, and relationships has been a tad too unsuccessful for my taste of late.

Not knowing what you want does that to you though. I am so inclined to describe being in love as a state of madness or at the very least, a low-grade mental illness. The things it does to you. Incredible. I suppose then that the question that remains is why I led myself straightaways into it? That is something my rationality cannot even begin to answer.

There is something so comforting in the fact that you can always be alone. Sex and the City has a great quote for this, Carrie writes, "Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."

I found this particular quote to be rather insightful on both a psychological and a philosophical level. As ridiculous as it seems to be quoting mainstream media there seems to be a rather implicit understanding that what she says is somewhat radical. Being alone at a certain age is scary. But I'm not entirely sure why it has to be. I treasure my independence. I really do. But for true love, I would give all of it up. Therein lies the inherent contradiction. Truly.


All I can do is be myself. Adherence to self. That's the goal.

xo.