the forever kind of love.

I notice the differences immediately. Your hair is long. I was the one who had suggested it. Perhaps not all of my suggestions were bad? All I wanted was for you to be happy. I promise. My love was not a selfish one. It still isn't.
Tears stream down my face.

"When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?"
-Coldplay "Fix You."

This crying; is it supposed to be cathartic? How many more days will be spent like this ignoring how I feel?

All I want is to hear your voice. Not the faccade you put up for me. The one where you feign your happiness. I never lost my connection to you. It is too strong. I would feel the loss keenly but I know we are still connected even if you refuse to admit it to yourself.

I wonder if you ever think about me? Or if you have simply erased the past because you don't want to remember? Perhaps you only remember the painful or sad moments. But I remember it all. I remember Vienna; I remember waking up in the morning in the same bed as you even though our hostel room had two beds. We squeezed into the small metal framed bed.

I remember sitting in the bathroom because I didn't want to face my dad. And you reassured me that I didn't have to. You told me that it was my decision. You were my hero. But you have always been my hero.

I know that I'm sensitive but so are you. I wish you would open yourself back up. Don't run. Because you will realize one day that running will never get you to where you want to be.